Herd Mentality

If this hasn’t been done already, I suggest some brave psychologist somewhere bunker down in an animatronic buffalo, Ace Ventura style, and observe the human interaction that occurs in Yellowstone National Park. It doesn’t matter – the culture, the language, the skin color, the driving competence – if there is a squirrel on the side of the road, the ensuing traffic jam should be enough to write several scientifically accurate descriptions of how humans act more like cows in a herd than intelligent, squirrel-fearing Homo sapiens, and Ryan and I completely took part.

“Why’s everyone stopping?? What are they looking at?? What if it’s a bear!? Oh we gotta see the bear! Pull over! Pull over! Pull over! Oh. Wait. It’s a squirrel. Nevermind, keep going.”

The resulting “wildlife” jams are epic. Traffic overflows onto shoulders and pull-outs and eventually people just give up and stop in the middle of the road. Sometimes it’s absolutely merited…

And sometimes it’s absolutely stupid. For instance, Ryan and I were driving through the park our first day there trying to decide where to camp when we took a back scenic drive, one-way road to find a spot to have lunch. There was a pretty waterfall and the road widened a bit, so we stopped there, opened the trunk, and started assembling lunch. Not two minutes later five cars were parked behind us with camera ladened tourists pouring out of stuffed vehicles snapping photos the instant their feet hit the ground. “Wha? Buffalo? Elk? A bear? Did you guys see a bear?” Ryan and I looked at each other “What have we started??” Truly the only animal in the area was an enormous raven who was eyeing

Who? Us? Troublemakers? Never!

Ryan’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich with such beady, intelligent eyes that Ryan was half-way tempted to give it to him, and he did manage to snatch some crumbs as we were cleaning up. The whole time we were having lunch though, a fresh set of cars would pull up, stop where we were parked, evacuate, and start investigating the area for the reason we had stopped, apparently not making the connection of our sandwiches, open trunk, and friendly raven friend. Clearly we were just troublemakers.

The rest of our Yellowstone trip was similar. We were able to see buffalo, elk, squirrels, chipmunks, deer, and lots and lots of geysers and hot springs and such. The crowds work similar to the geysers, the parking lots slowly fill until just before the point of explosion when all hell breaks loose and people start parking on the grass, in handicap spots, in fire lanes, so they can make it in time to see Old Faithful or some other feature blow its cap. Even I had to find some inventive ways to park the Acura, although in my defense I never blocked anyone in, never drove on nature, and never parked in an a space marked for an RV, employee vehicle, emergency vehicle, or handicap person. After the big event, the parking lots drain as we all drive off in search of some other innocent animal that needs to be photographed thousands of times.

The obligatory Old Faithful picture

The obligatory Yellowstone Falls picture

Grotto Geyser

Mammoth Springs

Caught one!

The one activity that allowed a break from the crowds was fly fishing on the Madison river, a blue-ribbon trout stream not far from our campsite the second night. It was a beautiful setting, and the fish were certainly in abundance. For me, fly fishing is still an exercise in balance, water walking, and wrist exercises, as I still lack the skill yet to even catch the eye of a fish, even though they were jumping all around me. Ryan though, is quite the fisherman and caught his first fish of the trip, a whopping four inch rainbow trout! We were so excited, we may have killed the thing. It took us way too long to get the hook out (as in I kept taking pictures instead of helping), and when we finally did, it floated away, belly-up. Ryan and I looked at each other, horrified. “It was still breathing, it’s probably just in shock” Ryan attempted to make me feel better. Suddenly I was kinda glad I sucked at fishing.

Fish Number 1

Not long after, Ryan caught another fish. This one was about three inches! We were clearly catching the blue-ribbon fish. Luckily, Ryan deftly got the hook out this time, and the little guy swam away eagerly to go join his fish buddies and forget all about the ordeal. Phew!

Fish Number 2

Another fond memory of Yellowstone is Ryan’s birthday dinner at the Yellowstone Inn, the famous lodge built by the CCC right by Old Faithful. We had all-you-can-eat trout, prime rib, and (the best part ever) salad! We truly did eat all we could eat, and Ryan enjoyed a birthday beer – a new favorite, Moose Drool. Driving back to our campsite, we were not surprised to come across an animal in the dark, a buffalo casually strolling down the center line, not a care in the world. When the animal is almost as large as your car, it’s a little intimidating to try and pass, but as we nudged a little closer he moved a bit to the left so we could get by. Such a considerate bison.

"I do hope this geyser doesn't explode in my face"

One other note about Yellowstone. Remember that rant I went on a couple posts ago about RVs? Well I lied. I want one. At least in bear country. Yellowstone is a horrifying place for multiple reasons. First, it’s a super-volcano that if it were to blow, would destroy pretty much the whole United States and likely cause a giant extinction as it sends the whole earth into eternal winter. Second, it’s full of hungry, man eating bears. Grizzlies specifically. While the first issue is none of our doing, the second is almost completely a man-made issue. Yellowstone, when it was first created as a national park, was basically the place where we did everything wrong. Sure you can throw pennies and souvenirs into the geysers! Sure you can touch the bison! Sure lets set up bleachers and stadium lights by the trash dump and watch the bears sort through all our waste! It didn’t take long for the bears to figure it out, and now Yellowstone has quite the bear problem on their hands. Luckily they only experience about one death a year by bear

Ya this was a good idea...

nowadays, but the signage and warnings everywhere are enough to keep you freaked out that Grizzlies are waiting to ambush you just around the corner, and the three mile hike Ryan and I braved was terrifying for just this reason. But Yellowstone is pretty, so we keep coming back. Luckily we weren’t eaten or blown to bits this time, mostly just jostled and trampled by other tourists. Crisis averted!

The sign by this woman says, "Danger, do not leave path."